Disrespectful?

So today I figured out why I am so overly fat and I cant get past the 200 lbs. The reason for all of this is my mother.. Yes my mother, you may be like O.o reading this, but I am so serious about this it's not even funny. She stresses me more than what I need to be and it doesn't help that I am clinically depressed and not taking any type of medication.

She doesn't take my feelings into consideration, call me names,and this make me more depressed than what I already am. This makes me wonder why do mother's do this to their kids? Are all mothers like this? Why have us if you don't really want us? This does not make any sense to me one bit.

Anyways, after hearing her say all this to me. I can't really reply to her in a nice manner, because I am already so upset. Then, she tells me how ungrateful I am and if I'll get a birthday present when I start being nice and not sarcastic. Like if I am a little kid, and to me if she wants respect from me, she should give me respect as well.

Early - Birthday Celebration

My cousin and I, decided to go out for an Early Birthday celebration for me since she wasn't going to be able to go out with me next weekend for my actual birthday. This is what I wore I tried to dress gyaru for that day. However, I know I am missing the accessories. We went to the mall around 12 ish and went to search for stuff for the next day because we were going out, but we never did, anyways it too us forever and then we didn't had time to go buying accessories. ;-; I was sad I wanted accessories. Oh well there is always a next time I guess. :/



Shirt: AB Studio Asymmetrical Tiered Top @ Kohl's (white)
Pants: Arizona Schoolgirl Crop (black)@ JCP
Shoes: A.N.A 'Cannes' Sandal (white) @JCP
Circle Lenses: (Green) Geo Super Angel
Wristlet: Traffic (white)

Why this sadness?

So after having a day of pampering yesterday and feeling uber sexy, today I feel a heavy sadness in my heart and I don't understand why? Is it because it's going to be my birthday and I feel like he won't call? I don't know... I keep thinking about how we were supposed to be together for my birthday, but I know he can't come for my birthday because life happens and sadly its a bitch when it does. However, knowing this I still can't help it but to feel bad for both of us.

Sometimes, I just feel like I am about to drown on a cup of water and I can't see the way out of it. Also, I dislike how much I need someone else to help me out from drowning stage. I wish I was a stronger person (not in a macho way) to not need someone else to help me out of that, but realistically speaking I need my other half a little too much. I just feel so helpless at times and like love is not meant for me? I guess its confidence issues, but my faults are horrible.

I try not to be clingy nor needy but sometimes I can't help it :(. And let's face it what man loves a clingy needy woman? From my experience only my current man.

This really makes me think more about our future but I get scared at times. What if he gets tired of me? What if he stops loving me? What if someone tries to break us apart? Though, I have to admit when he stayed to sleep at his ex-wife's house I felt a bit of jealousy still knowing he can't stand her... Maybe I'm just having confidence issues? Or perhaps it's the lack of sleep? :(

R.I.P.

So my digital camera decided to die last night while I was taking pictures of some items so I could post reviews of them on my LiveJournal. I am not pleased whatsoever about this ;-;. Now I have to wait till my birthday in hopes that one of my family members gift me one -crosses fingers on that-. However, I doubt that will happened because I hardly receive gifts on my birthday. (Other than my parent's and one close cousin, which are the only ones who gift me on my b-day.) -sigh- What to do? What to do?

Long Time No See :3

Wow it has been a while since I last blogged. lol.

Well lets see since my college classes started I haven't had much time to do anything v.v, but thank god I'm on summer vacation now (yay!!! lol). Lets see since I last blogged I went through 2 semesters in which I failed one class on each semester bringing my GPA down to 2.3 x-x (suckage I know). Next semester I need to bring up my gpa and take classes more seriously, and hope drama doesn't knock on my door anymore (jebus >-<), and no more kina getting sick >-< (she almost give me a heart attack because she never get's sick).

I have also started dating again after almost 4 years... Took me long enough to find my other half though to most of my family he isn't good enough, but to me he is the best man that have come by my life and I hope he will be there for all the time I have left on earth. (Can you say madly in love <3?)

Hmmm... Lets see what else?... Oh!! also I have lost some weight too~ That is something to be uber happy about. Since this change going on with my body I decided to dress Gyaru or Gal <3<3<3. I love this fashion, I think think its really sexy and cute at the same time. :3 Now all that I have left to do is work more on my self confidence and become a prettier gal :D.