It has been a while...

Hello everyone~


I know, I haven't been around for a while, so here is what happened:

First the guy who I was with "broke" up with me, why? idk. I didn't even knew he broke up with me... Yeah... I tried contacting him but he never tried to contact me back. I guess his sister filled his head with lies since the bitch hated me. All this happened a few days after my birthday, and to top it all he never called for my B-day, i ended up calling him instead of the other way around...

Then, I was quite heart broken and depressed... I let go of my self for a little bit, since I didn't know how to handle every thing that was going on...

Now, I'm trying to get back in track with everything in my life. I meet someone new a month ago, but I don't really trust him because of what my ex did to me and the way he disappeared and then out of the blue he was no longer with me. Also, School is starting next week <3. I can't wait for college to start it will give me something to do. NO DRAMA <3 which is the best of the best.

All in all I will try not to drop off the phase of the earth and be around more often. ^_^ <3

Boring Birthday

So this past weekend I went to Orlando to celebrate my birthday. I thought that since we were going to Orlando that we were going to have a really nice day out and going out to some place fun, but no I was mistaken. I did a bunch of nothing for my birthday. All I did was stay in my aunt's house went to a boring mall and did nothing just went to a bunch of boring stores. But I did get to go to girly stores and buy some cute stuff but then went back to the house and it was a boring time D: boooo

Disrespectful?

So today I figured out why I am so overly fat and I cant get past the 200 lbs. The reason for all of this is my mother.. Yes my mother, you may be like O.o reading this, but I am so serious about this it's not even funny. She stresses me more than what I need to be and it doesn't help that I am clinically depressed and not taking any type of medication.

She doesn't take my feelings into consideration, call me names,and this make me more depressed than what I already am. This makes me wonder why do mother's do this to their kids? Are all mothers like this? Why have us if you don't really want us? This does not make any sense to me one bit.

Anyways, after hearing her say all this to me. I can't really reply to her in a nice manner, because I am already so upset. Then, she tells me how ungrateful I am and if I'll get a birthday present when I start being nice and not sarcastic. Like if I am a little kid, and to me if she wants respect from me, she should give me respect as well.

Early - Birthday Celebration

My cousin and I, decided to go out for an Early Birthday celebration for me since she wasn't going to be able to go out with me next weekend for my actual birthday. This is what I wore I tried to dress gyaru for that day. However, I know I am missing the accessories. We went to the mall around 12 ish and went to search for stuff for the next day because we were going out, but we never did, anyways it too us forever and then we didn't had time to go buying accessories. ;-; I was sad I wanted accessories. Oh well there is always a next time I guess. :/



Shirt: AB Studio Asymmetrical Tiered Top @ Kohl's (white)
Pants: Arizona Schoolgirl Crop (black)@ JCP
Shoes: A.N.A 'Cannes' Sandal (white) @JCP
Circle Lenses: (Green) Geo Super Angel
Wristlet: Traffic (white)

Why this sadness?

So after having a day of pampering yesterday and feeling uber sexy, today I feel a heavy sadness in my heart and I don't understand why? Is it because it's going to be my birthday and I feel like he won't call? I don't know... I keep thinking about how we were supposed to be together for my birthday, but I know he can't come for my birthday because life happens and sadly its a bitch when it does. However, knowing this I still can't help it but to feel bad for both of us.

Sometimes, I just feel like I am about to drown on a cup of water and I can't see the way out of it. Also, I dislike how much I need someone else to help me out from drowning stage. I wish I was a stronger person (not in a macho way) to not need someone else to help me out of that, but realistically speaking I need my other half a little too much. I just feel so helpless at times and like love is not meant for me? I guess its confidence issues, but my faults are horrible.

I try not to be clingy nor needy but sometimes I can't help it :(. And let's face it what man loves a clingy needy woman? From my experience only my current man.

This really makes me think more about our future but I get scared at times. What if he gets tired of me? What if he stops loving me? What if someone tries to break us apart? Though, I have to admit when he stayed to sleep at his ex-wife's house I felt a bit of jealousy still knowing he can't stand her... Maybe I'm just having confidence issues? Or perhaps it's the lack of sleep? :(